• Dr. Alex

5 Ways To Have The Perfect Threesome

Updated: Jul 26, 2018

DON’T TRY TO MAKE IT LIKE A PORNO MOVIE Threesomes are intrinsically pornographic, so you don’t need to push that angle. You should focus on making the threesome as sensual, magical and beautiful as possible. All the crazy amazing filth and kink and dirty talk and fluids-flying-everywhere will come naturally. Think less Rocco Siffredi* and more Bernardo Bertolucci.

CHECK IN OFTEN: You’ve got to remember, that for many of the people you sleep with, this will be their first threesome. You’ve got to make them feel comfortable, beautiful and SAFE.

ESPECIALLY if you are two men with one woman in an MMF situation. This woman is placing herself in a very vulnerable situation, being with you and your bro, so you need to repeatedly ask her is she feels comfortable. Because many threesomes turn rough and filthy (and that’s okay if everyone’s into it), I HIGHLY suggest coming up with a safe word before the sexual encounter begins.

ONLY DO IT IF YOU REALLY WANT IT If you are two women in an FFM situation, make sure you two are actually into each other sexually and not just doing it because you’re both into the guy. Remember to breathe deeply, have a damn good time, and make it as beautiful and cinematic as you want it to be.

Men are WONDERFUL at responding to sexual suggestions, so be sure to tell him what you’re both into, ask him what he’s into, and work together so that all your fantasies come true.

DON’T STAY WHERE YOU’RE NOT WANTED  Sometimes, in the middle of a threesome, you will feel as though the other parties involved are paying absolutely no attention to you and you will begin to get the sense that they’d rather you not be there. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes, the chemistry is just off. And sometimes PEEPs will use you as a way to sleep with each other, either because they can’t admit their attraction to each other, or because they’re gay and closeted and/or Catholic, and they need an opposite sex go-between. It’s happened to me. Don’t take it personally.

Consider yourself a catalyst for a sexual encounter between two people who desperately needed it, leave the room quietly and gracefully and go work on something creative.

You’ll get yours soon enough.

DON’T BE SCARED TO STOP IT You know if you’re not comfortable and you know if somebody else is not comfortable in a threesome situation. Don’t be scared to stop at any time, if you or someone else in the situation is uncomfortable. Sexual discordancy is palpable and will prevent everyone involved from enjoying the experience.

Even if the threesome was your idea in the first place, you can still be the one to stop it at any time. Don’t worry that people are going to think you are an asshole. It’s YOUR body and YOUR responsibility to make sure everyone is having a good time. If you are uncomfortable or sense they are, you can stop it at anytime. You can say that you’re dying of thirst, you can say that you need to pee, you can say you heard a knock at the door, or simply by say that you feel uncomfortable and want to stop, or slow down a bit.

Have fun!

Wear condoms.

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*Dr. Alex Schiller is a character created and performed by Roslyn Hart. Roslyn Hart holds no advanced degrees in medicine or psychology and the advice contained on this website is based on her personal opinions and experiences. Though a character, Dr. Alex has helped thousands of real life human beings transform themselves and fulfill their sociosexual desires through her live dating show Never Sleep Alone, which is currently in residence at Joe's Pub at The Public Theater in New York City. Her first book, NEVER SLEEP ALONE, was published under the Gallery Books imprint of Simon and Schuster Publishing in 2015. Dr. Alex is also available for one-on-one consultations and can work with you to help you create the life you’ve always wanted.